Cupboard Cleanout

Yay! I finally cleaned my cupboards out. It was very scary. There were somethings in there that I literally did not know about. Now, my shelves are almost empty and I need to go shopping.My goal is to create a shopping list tonight so I can either go during my lunch or after work tomorrow. I am hoping my list isn't too long. There are a few things I have already ordered like LaraBars for my desk draw.

Tax season is coming up and I know I need paleo friendly foods at work, so I don't cheat once the treats at work start rolling. I am also going to need to work on my list of places close to work that I can eat. Thankfully, there is a chipotle right down the road. The one big thing I am worried about is that we get food ordered alot and it tends to be pizza. We will see.

On the Crossfit side of things, I made it in this morning for Morning Mayhem. I needed it so bad and I didn't even realize it. I felt so good after working out. My moods have stabilized and I had a happy good feeling. The only downside is I didn't get much sleep last night so I am tired as heck. I also have been starving all day. So first things first is I am making dinner, and tonight I am planning to get to bed early. I bet tomorrow I am going to be sore as heck but feel so awesome.

Today is the 30 day mark of the challenge. I have 23 "star" days, which are days that I have stuck with Paleo and I have been to Crossfit 8 times. My goals for the next 30 days are crossfit 13 days, and "star" higher then 25 days.

Totally achievable.

its been a rough week

This has been the roughest week I have had in years. The kicker is I bet if I made it to the gym this week, it would have leveled me out. The fact that Ken is leaving has hit me harder then I thought it would, not to mention the pharmacy had trouble filling a prescription which caused me to miss a daily pill for three days straight. I have been on this med for about 5 years and to say it was a shock to my system would be an understatement.

At this point I am just waiting for Ken to get on his flight tomorrow, so I can just get over it. Its not working at this point, and I am hoping once he is on that plane, I can force myself to get back on track. I had a panic attack this morning and it was the first since senior year of high school. It was not a good morning, and I missed going in to Morning Mayhem.

Thankfully, I am doing alot better at the moment.

Once, I drop Ken off at the airport tomorrow, I am going to head into the gym. There aren't any classes going on at that point, but I think I am going to do todays WOD. I double I will do 50 of each movement but 20-25 should be within my reach. We will see, even if I don't do a WOD and just hop on the row machine, it would help ground me.


I hope that everyone is doing good. I have been doing good with the diet I am on day 2 of starting over. I had a 14 day streak, then kept getting a bunch of 3 days in a row, before cheating. I am cleaning out my pantry tomorrow, and going shopping this weekend for paleo food. Wish me luck.

What will stop you from going to a workout?

I know what the answer should be. It should be nothing.

Nothing should stop me from going to a workout. There should be nothing that is more important to me then my health. I would like to think that there is nothing more important to me then my health but the can't be the case.

Not when you look at my track record.I have missed 3 workouts this month, and when you figure I average 3 workouts a week, thats a whole week of workouts. At that rate I am taking a week off each month, and I wonder why I am not seeing more improvements.

So what stopped me from going to those workouts? I know two of them, the other was I wasn't in town and didn't have the time to do a makeup. The other two, were fear. It was simple really, I was scared to do burpee pull ups, and then on monday 150 wallballs. Just thinking about it made me want to puke in my mouth.

But yes it was totally fear that caused me to skip those days. The fear that I was going to fail, that I couldn't do the workout, that I would be there forever trying to finish. All stupid fears, but fears none the less. I need to work on my fears.

There are seven days left in this month and I am going to get 3 workouts in. Wednesday, Friday and Monday. If all goes well on Saturday, maybe even Saturday. I have to salvage this month, and thats not even talking about my diet.

Stressful Times

I am currently in a state of stress, and I don't know when its going to go away. I have a test on Tuesday then I have to start studying for the next one which will be in Feb. My BF is still going to Seattle next week and it will be interesting without him. My job is getting more intense as it gets closer to tax season.

I got a  WOD in on Wednesday and one this morning. That helps. I need to actually hit my goal of 4 WODs in a week. Next week I am going to try. I can't this week, since I only have tomorrow. I am hoping to go tomorrow, but depending on how my studying goes I don't know if I am going to make it. I have been okay with eating. I have been eating out, finding different meals that are paleo friendly. My biggest downfall in this area is that I am stress eating. Its really bad. I have stayed good, but ate a whole dark chocolate bar yesterday. It was the weirdest thing.

I think I could handle the stress if Ken didn't want to eat out at all our favorite restaurants before he left. Not to mention food is getting so expensive. My grocery bill has climbed since I am no longer buying things like rice which was which cheap. I already hit my grocery budget for the month, which is not a good thing.

I am going to have to do something about the cost. Next month once BF is gone, it will be easier since I won't be feeding him.

We are 20 days into the challenge of 90 and I know I have time to get this down. I am doing so much better then December, when I was trying to go  paleo so that is a positive factor. At this point February and March have t go better than January. I wonder if anyone else is having issues sticking to their plans.

Star for Me

I nailed my eating today and set myself up for tomorrow. It feels good to get back on track, it will be nice to step on the scale on Saturday and see some improvement. I did learn an interesting lesson at work today, I need to leave my desk during lunch. It doesn't matter if I have homework or problems to do, I need to leave my desk and go somewhere else. Today, I stayed at my desk to work on some problems for my exam next week, and I was ready to crawl up the walls around 3:30.

I just need a break out of cubical land. I can't wait for it to get nice out so I can go walking at lunch. It puts me in such a good mood when I get back to my desk from walking outside. Anyway, thats a big dream right now. For the next week, I have problems I have to do during my lunch break, and now I gotta find somewhere else to work on them at. I wonder if I could grab a conference room... Maybe. We will see.

B: 3 eggs scrambles
L: Beef Chili
D: Shrimp Curry

Cheating, the good and the bad

Over this weekend, I cheated. I would rank it as pretty bad. I did have scheduled cheats once a month during the challenge. My goal was to not use them.

Friday: Rice
Saturday: Rice, egg roll
Sunday: Three slices of pizza
Monday: Sushi for lunch, two mini christmas cookies

Sunday and Monday were scheduled cheats. The Pizza was suppose to be next weekend when we originally were going to go home. It's my favorite pizza place, its the only place I eat pizza. It was awesome, honey mustard pizza with chicken, and chicken spedie pizza on a red sauce. Type of pizza you really can't get anywhere else. It was so good and I was glad that I cheated. Monday's sushsi was suppose to be on valentines day, but now my BF isn't going to be here so we decided to go for lunch since I have the day off. Again an awesome choice I am glad that we went.

My grandma makes  Christmas cookies each year, and she had some in her freezer for me. I always have her break my cookies into two bags so I don't get all of them at once. So I had an m&m cookie and a black bottom cup. They are my grandma's own recipes, I have been practicing making these cookies for years, and I still don't have it down. My mom made them last year and they were nowhere at my grandmas level. I enjoyed have one small cookie and one mini cupcake thing. It was awesome and part of a tradition in my family. Totally, worth it.

Friday and Saturday weren't awesome. They were emotional eating, the didn't make me feel good or happy to be eating it. Instead, they made me feel worse, wanting to cheat some more since I already cheated.

It took this weekend for me to realize that there are good cheats and bad. Good are special occasions, things that aren't all the time, they are special. Another lesson learned in this challenge. Now, I just have to stay back on track. It should be easier once my BF is gone since I won't have to cook for him as well. We will see. My goal is to I still want to lose 10 pounds, it doesn't matter if I can fit in my black dress for Valentines day now, but it will still be nice to get back in it.

Tough Love and Life Situations

Its amazing how one little, two sentence email can change your life. One moment, living in Albany just doing our thing. After email, BF moving to Seattle in two weeks, with me to follow in May. One moment, going balls to the wall in the challenge. Next, not so much. The big thing is that I am a person with a plan and radical life change made in a moment can  and will stress me out. Stress equals bad eating.

We had to travel this weekend to talk with our families about this big move, thus my diet wasn't strict. I had rice in a burrito bowl on Friday night because if i saw any more lettuce I was going to lose it. Then looking back on it the salad would have been better, the rice just didn't help.

Today I had dinner with my dad to break the news to him, equaled had sushi and an egg roll. Not to mention I didn't make it to the WOD on friday because I needed the sleep. I wasn't fit to drive at 5 am that morning. Not at all.

At the moment I feel very lost, I know I will snap out of it but right now I am floating. Don't get me wrong I am very excited about this move, it just a big thing that came out of nowhere and it is going to take time for me to get used to it. Thanks for sticking with me.